How to swear like an Englishman - Lesson 1

One of the problems with living in an Israeli society and studying in an American university, is that no-one I know swears properly. The average American’s vocabulary, when it comes to swearing, consists of just two crude words, to be termed the "f-word" and the "s-word".
As I live and work among these unenlightened folk, I feel it my obligation expand their basic lexicon with some good English swear words. Therefore, I shall be teaching the basic English swear words here, over the next few weeks, for you to learn.
This public service comes with 3 preconditions:

1. For reasons of piety (i.e. My mother probably reads this blog), I shall not be including the more vulgar of the English swear words.
2. The reader must agree to take upon his or herself to incorporate all the words, at the rate of word a day, into his or her vocabulary, thus learning to swear properly in just under a week.
3. Whenever possible, all words should be said with a good British accent, preferably a London accent or the queen's English. If this proves too difficult, a Manc or Brummy accent will do, however please do not resort to a Scouse accent, as this may offend.

Lesson 1 - The B words
We are specifically starting with four words that are used in a similar way to - and thus easily exchangeable with - their cruder American counterpart. These four B-words also form the base of a swearing Brit's vocabulary. They are:

Bugger, Bollocks, Bloody and Bastard

Bugger is normally used like the American f-word, as in "bugger you", "bugger off", "oh bugger" and if said in shock, "bugger me".
Similarly, bollocks should be used as a replacement for the s-word, in phrases like "oh bollocks" and "what a load of bollocks". You could describe a certain film or event by saying "it was bollocks", or use it by itself as an exasperated "bollocks!”
Bloody, the most English of the b-words, is equally interchangeable with the term "f-ing", as an adverb or adjective placed before the word it’s describing. It can be used simply, as in “bloody hell” or extensively, as is “I’m not bloody chasing after that bloody dog any bloody more!”
And finally, Bastard. Being the most internationally recognised English swear word is an advantage, as it is easy to learn and incorporate into your everyday language. However this can also be a great disadvantage, as the subtleties that make it truly English are often lost. But don’t worry about that now, we’ll be coming back to that in lesson 4...

Until then, keep practising!


Coming soon...
Lesson 2 - Mothers, fathers and other blood relatives